The "hype-no-tensive" pirate!

     So in the not so distant past, I was working a MICU shift where we responded to a 911 call for a pt with low blood pressure. This is also known as hypotension. Hypo meaning low in relation to blood pressure, as hyper means high in relation to the same function. With that being said, we will return to the story at hand.
     Now my partner and I arrive on scene to a "handy man special" single floor ranch style house in an area that is occupied by people that are taking full advantage of that certain government program that is located between sections 7 and 9. As I am sure you are already aware, this place was about as clean as gas station bathroom and probably smelled similar to one. So we walk in with the local fire department who was actually very helpful. We find two men, on in a wheel chair and one who looks like someone just pissed in his Wheaties. Our pt was actually the one in the wheel chair. The obvious questions are asked first. What happened, what type of medical problems do you have, any allergies, and are you always in that wheel chair. The pt's brother was not happy with that last question. He immediately threw what we in the medical field call a "hissy fit" and proceeded to tell us in a very high pitched manor of the events that transpired. Apparently his brother suffers from "hype-no-tension". They will remind us of this several times over the next 30 minutes. This act of replacing the "o" in what should have been hypotension with a "no" totally threw my partner for a loop. So I had to translate white trash pirate for him into terms he could actually use.
      Oh yeah! The whole pirate thing. Let me paint you a better picture. Our pt, the one in the wheel chair is something of a miracle of modern medicine. You see, he sort of drank himself into his current condition and is kept alive by medicines, medicare, and certain family members being enablers. This gentleman was probably a buck thirty soaking wet with change in his pockets, had a fairly thick beard and mustache and to top it off, had a black "pirate-esque" eye patch that he wears due to an unfortunate incident at a certain hospital with a medication he is unsure of. As you can see, he was prime material for being captain of the football team.
     So we ask black beard about his medical problems and what brought us to his lovely home to assist him with. He proceeds to tell us the story of how when he stands up he gets dizzy, "hype-no-tensive" and falls down. After my eyes stopped rolling, we took him to the area's only trauma center for further care.
     As we are loading him into the truck, he is still talking about his mispronounced condition. For some reason, I felt it was necessary, nay my duty to correct this one eyed pirate citizen. I tell him "Sir, you mean hypotension. Low blood pressure." He yells at me and says, "NO! Hype-no-tension! Like Hype-no-dermic needle!" I just look at him and say "Actually no. But it doesn't matter. As long as we are both on the same page that you have low blood pressure, then it will all work out". We then load the pt up and I let my partner take the call. The pt was very very done with me and what I had to say/offer. So we bring captain hook to the ER and continue back out into priority 3 purgatory.
     An interesting thing to note on this call is the correlation between the amount of DVDs one owns to the total amount of productive work days in a year. I think I will deem this "Blue Rays Law". If your DVD collection exceeds either the amount of days you work per year or is greater than the number of days in a year, than you are not exactly a very productive member of society. Call it jaded, but when I came up with it, I was pretty damn proud of myself. Ha ha! That's all for now.